As we face a swift decision on where Tristan should live, there is fear of making the wrong decision.
God has entrusted this amazing bundle of joy to us for 11 years. I knew the first minute I held him this was going to be a different journey. I did not know exactly what that would entail. As I read school reports on his year to year learning, I see how far he has come. I also see where he has stayed the same. I knew Tristan would need total care for his life.
Today my mind is spinning. What if we make the wrong decision? I am a Christian. Yes, I have prayed and prayed and prayed some more. I do not have peace. So my mind and heart are at war.
Selfishly I want to keep him home. I do. Every parent wants to keep their special needs son or daughter near. Who is going to fix him his specific Mac-N-Cheese. Only our family know the difference between Doty Mac-N-Cheese and Shelia Mac-N-Cheese! All the “little” things that we understand about Tristan.
Selfishly I want peace and calm in my home. I want my family not to be in crisis mode 24 hours a day for weeks and weeks.
I continue to ask God questions. I continue to ask professionals that I trust for their advice. I ponder on the answers I receive. I talk at lengths with my husband several times each day. I know a decision will be made. I pray we make the right one. I am thankful for those who have walked ahead of me on this journey who willingly shared their experiences. I will lean on God more. I will trust God no matter what lies ahead. Ultimately fear is the opposite of faith. I know God loves Tristan more than I do. Therefore I will choose to have faith in the decision we make.