Fear Meets Faith

As we face a swift decision on where Tristan should live, there is fear of making the wrong decision.

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God has entrusted this amazing bundle of joy to us for 11 years.  I knew the first minute I held him this was going to be a different journey.  I did not know exactly what that would entail.  As I read school reports on his year to year learning, I see how far he has come.  I also see where he has stayed the same.  I knew Tristan would need total care for his life.

Today my mind is spinning.  What if we make the wrong decision?  I am a Christian.  Yes, I have prayed and prayed and prayed some more.  I do not have peace.  So my mind and heart are at war.

Selfishly I want to keep him home. I do.  Every parent wants to keep their special needs son or daughter near.  Who is going to fix him his specific Mac-N-Cheese.  Only our family know the difference between Doty Mac-N-Cheese and Shelia Mac-N-Cheese!  All the “little” things that we understand about Tristan.

Selfishly I want peace and calm in my home.  I want my family not to be in crisis mode 24 hours a day for weeks and weeks.

I continue to ask God questions.  I continue to ask professionals that I trust for their advice.  I ponder on the answers I receive.  I talk at lengths with my husband several times each day.  I know a decision will be made.  I pray we make the right one.  I am thankful for those who have walked ahead of me on this journey who willingly shared their experiences.  I will lean on God more.  I will trust God no matter what lies ahead.  Ultimately fear is the opposite of faith.    I know God loves Tristan more than I do. Therefore I will choose to have faith in the decision we make.

 

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2 thoughts on “Fear Meets Faith

  1. Oh Anne. There can be nothing harder than this. My heart breaks with yours. But you are right on. God WILL give you wisdom here. And he WILL continue to care for his beloved Tristen no matter where. I am praying for you, friend.

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